An attractive female friend of mine – who is unlikely to ever have any dating problems – recently remarked that all her fellow attractive friends were single because there just weren’t any ‘decent guys’ out there any more. I was about to reply in agreement with her, but then did stopped myself. Was what she said really the case? We went through all of our mutual acquaintances and discovered that most – if not all – of our mutual friends were attached (or had recently been so) to fairly decent guys. Which is quite incredible when you think about it: almost everybody has found somebody who isn’t terrible. I can definitely think of times when that hasn’t been the case. Perhaps then, it wasn’t so much that there aren’t any decent guys out there but that there are some problems with the guys who are leftover.
I’d venture to say that some of the ‘leftovers’ are such simply because they have no real idea how to interact with women in a non-friend context. Back in my day, there wasn’t exactly an app for that, but there was a guy: David D’Angelo, who promised to ‘double your dating’ by halving your bank balance. Of course by ‘dating’ he effectively meant ‘sex’, but men understood the subtext (men are subtle creatures you know). I must admit I’m a little surprised to see the guy is still in business and peddling much the same product. After all, in a world of Tinder, Grindr – and other sex-related apps that apparently buzz whenever anybody within 5ft is feeling remotely horny – you’d have thought that D’Angelo’s old-fashioned method of ‘talking’ in order to get somebody to sleep with you would have gone the way of the dinosaur.
In some ways it’s refreshing. Looking at recent trends I almost wondered if men had given up on conversation entirely. Witness the declining popularity of the lad mag – which, while objectionable on a number of accounts, was at least full of a relatively wide variety of articles on how to fool women into thinking you were interesting – and the corresponding growth of Men’s Fitness ‘spornosexual‘ mags as a substitute. I mean, with the number of times guys now seem to check themselves – and other guys with bulging biceps – out at the gym, you’d have been forgiven for thinking that many had decided to give up on women altogether.
So, on the one hand, continued interest in D’Angelo’s methods – when the current trend seems to be one of courtship via gym selfie – at least indicates that these male leftovers are still interested in engaging in conversation. On the other hand, D’Angelo’s suggested methods of conversation essentially consist of the following:
- Wear a funny hat so you can talk about your funny hat
- Pretend to be more of a jerk than you actually are
- Never EVER let a woman feel good about herself
The idea is that every woman wants friends, attention, and to be liked – so the fastest way to encourage more attention from a woman is to feign disinterest. The woman will then wonder why you dislike her and spend her remaining hours on earth chasing you. Fans of Tudor history might call this the ‘Anne Boleyn’ effect, except in this case Anne is a dude who plays Minecraft and doesn’t get executed.
A friend of mine illustrated this theory to me a number of years ago when a woman approached him at a bar. The two of them talked, laughed, and even danced. Then time came for the women in the group she was with to switch bars, she invited him to join them, and he declined. We were all flabbergasted, we asked him why and he cited D’Angelo’s advice that rejecting a woman was the best way to encourage her to stay interested. Only problem was my friend hadn’t gotten her name (or at least didn’t remember it), hadn’t given his own, and also didn’t have her number. Needless to say, he didn’t get any action that night.
The following week I was at a party with the same friend. A woman there was clearly interested in him, and made every effort to engage with not just him, but his friends (this latter being no mean feat I can assure you). When we wandered outside to get some fresh air, she even made an effort to come outdoors and start a conversation again. The only problem was, as soon as she came outdoors my friend wandered off – randomly citing his need to ‘go over there’ – to some other part of the balcony and just stared out into space, leaving the girl standing there awkwardly and all of us standing there desperately attempting not to be awkward. Needless to say, he didn’t get any action that night either.
Far from doubling my friend’s dating prospects, these methods seemed to be halving them.
Fast forward a couple of years and the guy has been in a stable relationship with a nice girl (although, funnily enough, none of the girls mentioned above) for years. What happened? Well – under lots of pressure from us, as well as some embarrassing notes that we wrote on his behalf from his Facebook account (long story) – he ended up dating his flatmate, and they’re still together today. The whole situation had previously been a complete ‘no-no’ for him on the grounds that he didn’t want to ‘shit where he ate’, as it turns out, shitting where you eat is actually a pretty good practice (presumably not when it comes to winning My Kitchen Rules though). He went against all of D’Angelo’s rules, he was nice to her, didn’t ignore her (although, to be fair, it’s pretty difficult to ignore your flatmate), and he never wore a funny hat. Somewhat luckily for him, his flatmate was the one attractive woman he’d actually treated like a human being for a considerable period of time, so when he was finally pushed into dating her it turned out he didn’t come off like a jerk in her eyes – as he presumably had with others up till that point – but as a pretty good human being.
With people still throwing money at these courses and methods, men are obviously still interested in meeting women, and with plenty of women out there bemoaning the shortage of decent males, it’s obvious that plenty of women are in the ‘market’ for men too. Why then do we persist in thinking that somebody needs to be humiliated in order for both to get what they want? Maybe the secret to doubling your dating is to realise that this is best done not by halving the ego of the other party, but by doubling your self-worth and theirs.